SEASON REVIEW

Have you ever fret so much you need to find a guitar and can't find one.

THE WORST YEAR OF OUR LIVES

Is this the worst year of my life or has the bubble burst.  The tipping to the boiling point. To the uncomprehending nonsensical thoughts and defense mechanisms.  Perfect days to try to capture and swallow whole.  Like your own soul, losing and running for it.

DEAR DIRE DIARY REFLECTIVE

"I am an Architect...toss it back and burn the slack away " (The Opposing Engineer Sleeps Alone)

 I hear,  I have ears too.  And eyes that can see and read.  Senses that track my movement.  A heart that speaks from within.  Truth has its consequences.  And for all the things that we hate that goes on around and over again, pretending it does not happen.  I still believe in dreams and though I must say I do falter from time to time, the spark shall and will try remain active.  And if at times I fail, I'd be humbled, and if I succeeded at some point, I'd be honored to continue believing that things could somehow bring to light what's stuck in darkness. 

Mine was a tough one.  I meant the cross I have to carry.  Each and every one of us I suppose have their own crosses to bear, their own calling like molded to be.  The call to be this and to be that.  To find his own self to burn the light that is within.  Looking for your own shadow, chasing your own tail, blazing your own trails,  counting your blessings, thinking big, keeping track of time, making sense of your own existence, and bringing your own beer, lol .  . . 

But to find these, one must have to do it alone.    And one might perceive that its all done and begone, through all of these nonsense, meaningless pursuits, one gets to know who were those who was with you along for the ride.  Some might give up and settled for less. At present, especially when holiday comes, and merry-makings seem to distract.  For once, or should I say I've been doing it all along without even noticing it , myself.  Like blind spots, as what it is called.   And for once again, as we somehow do feel the same I suppose.  

Through all the cheers, jeers, laughter, voice and the cacophony, we as I somehow forget our own promises to do what we're really suppose to be doing.  And as our institutions may or can somehow betray, one must try and stay focused, and stay the same.  And at the same time still hold on to the torch, believing that tomorrow will bring forth another age. 

No body is ever perfect, as no country ever is as well.  This reality is reflected continuously and is shown all around everyday.  For whichever way we take and travel through, for every misgivings we have and we mistook for the good, or lesser into the lesser to the lessest evil, as Gods I am an architect of my own destiny,

THIS COUNTRY

This country has the incredible amount of threshold to pain and tolerance to madness.  Though it may seem that things are going smoothly through the pursuit of knowledge and information, the usual goings-on around town and the suburbs has carefully been trying to put plans into action.  But through all of these convictions, I must say I am one of those abused by the system.  My temperance for this I have really tried hard to tolerate as well.  The institutions, the government, and the business community.  The media.  How far can I withstand the pressure.  

When most of my childhood friends has already left the country,  where they have lost faith in working and staying put to find themselves and a way of living.   But most have immigrated much to my chagrin and laugh at the painful amazement.  Sad to have nothing to talk about and go ballistic instead.  Breaking up.

To try hard and fit among and ride along with the trend.  The science that goes in outside and the helpless symptoms around which we try to analyze and make sense of.  The amends hanging on to balance without any formal communication.

But it all comes down to your own dreams to find success and be happy for which I must say becomes very hard to reach in the most humble way possible.   The stares and the the pretensions has become louder now that I can no longer withstand because it becomes so tiresome to do so.  Losing patience and burning out.  It's starting to fade away.  And to the days further I must call and cease to somehow try to hang on.    

THE PAST, SEASONS, PLANNING AND THE ROCK AND THE GROWL

Why do I get the feeling that something kept repeating.  The term is repetition.  And are there really devils in the spaces.  I encountered this other form of Architecture called Typographic.  If one is that inept or is that the right term?  or refined in Grammatical Composition.  In schools they call it the Humanities. If that school has certain divisions.  I can recall but a few.  The Natural Sciences, The Social Sciences, Engineering, Humanities and what have you.  The spaces between words and the Business terminologies one has to invent or design to sell a product, the academic who had to tend to this purpose, the needs the wants and the dreams and wishes and longing for.  Pro-actives and the anti-actives.  The Medical, arts and the Pharmaceuticals.  The most probing and the most inquiring and the most curious and the most detailed.  The most high and the most low and the most belittled and the most middled and singled out.  The most neutered and the neutral, the most empty and the most forbidden.  The accepting and governmental.  The most organized and the cleanest.  The loudest and the most silenced out.  The most profound and hungry and full.  The paired the grouped and the gridded.  The isolated and the preisolated . The experimented and the most failed.  The uninspired, aspired and the most in pain, and the most gay.  The most glad and the most surprised and happy.  The ghosts inside the machines,  This written copy, the published and the edited,  the coded messages and the most obviously obfuscated and obscured .  The unnecessary essentials.  And the most beautiful.  The unashamed and the unforgiving and the noisiest blinded internet online monitors' debut and the extended.  The most unknown and unprepared .  The distracted and the most focus.  The freed and the eyesores and the never changing cultural differences.  The most educated , and the most dumb.  The orally abused and the ill-effects of ancestry and toned downs.  The routines that had to be stopped and mellow down.  The season of ups and downs, jump and spin and push and pull, tumble, roll, and rock N GROWL!